If you’ve ever joined an online dating site in Nigeria, you already know the struggle. You finally gather courage, see a fine profile picture, read a bio that says “God first, foodie, entrepreneur”, your heart skips a beat… then you freeze.
“What will I say to get the conversation going?”
You type “Hi”.
No reply.
You try “Hello dear”.
Still nothing.
You send “Hey beautiful 😍”.
She reads it. Silence.
My brother, my sister, relax. You’re not cursed. You’re just doing what almost everybody is doing. And that’s the problem.
The truth is, Nigerians receive a lot of messages on dating sites. Some good, many bad, some suspicious. So people have developed a sharp eye. One wrong opening line and you’re already in the “ignore” zone.
But there is a secret to a first message Nigerians can’t ignore. It’s not magic. It’s not lies.
Let’s talk about it — with sense, small humour, and plenty safety tips, because online dating without safety in Nigeria is like okada without helmet.
First, Let’s Be Honest About Online Dating in Nigeria
Online dating in Nigeria is real life. People are meeting, dating, marrying, even doing introductions because of dating apps and websites. At the same time, scammers, catfishers, and “format boys” are also active. Everybody knows this.
That’s why Nigerians are cautious. Especially women. And if your first message sounds like:
- a scam
- desperation
- disrespect
- or copy-and-paste rubbish
you will be ignored faster than a network outage.
So the first message is not about impressing. It’s about sounding human, safe, and intentional.
The Big Secret: Be Normal, Be Specific, Be Respectful
Yes. That’s the secret. Simple, abi?
Most ignored messages fail because they are too vague or too loud. “Hi” tells me nothing. “Hey sexy” already tells me too much.
A first message Nigerians can’t ignore usually does three things:
- Shows you actually read the person’s profile
- Sounds like a real Nigerian, not a script
- Respects boundaries and safety
Let me explain with examples.
Story Time: Why “Hi” Failed Tunde
Tunde is a 32-year-old banker in Ibadan. He joined a dating site because office and traffic have swallowed his social life. He messaged 15 women in one night.
All his messages were:
“Hi”
Zero replies.
The next day, one of his female friends looked at his account and laughed.
“Guy, if somebody enters your DM with just ‘Hi’, what will you think?”
Tunde thought about it. In Nigeria, random “Hi” messages are usually:
- scammers
- strangers asking for help
- people that want to borrow money
No context. No safety.
He changed approach.
A Better First Message (That Still Feels Natural)
Instead of “Hi”, Tunde sent this:
“Hello Aisha. I noticed you said you enjoy long walks and street food. Random question: which is your favourite — suya or shawarma?”
Guess what? She replied.
Why?
Because:
- He used her name (basic respect)
- He mentioned something from her profile (not guessing)
- He asked a harmless question (no pressure)
Nothing romantic yet. Nothing risky. Just human conversation.
Nigerians Like Familiarity, Not Pressure
In Nigeria, we value warmth and familiarity.
That’s why messages like:
- “I want you to be my woman”
- “I’m serious about marriage”
- “You look like my future wife”
…in the first message can be scary.
Not because marriage is bad, but because online dating safety teaches people to move slowly. Too much seriousness too fast can signal manipulation or emotional pressure.
A safe first message opens conversation, not commitment.
Use Nigerian Reality (But Don’t Overdo It)
Just be yourself.
Simple Nigerian references work well:
- food (jollof, egusi, bole)
- cities (Lagos traffic, PH heat, Abuja calm)
- music or everyday life
Example:
“Hi Chinedu. Your profile made me smile, especially the part about loving old-school 2Face songs. Which one is your favourite?”
This feels real. And real feels safe.
What to Avoid Like NEPA Outage
Now let’s talk about what will get you blocked or ignored fast.
- Money talk
Never ask about money, business help, or “urgent assistance”. Even jokes. - Over-compliments
“You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my life” from a stranger is suspicious. - Moving off the platform too quickly
“Send me your WhatsApp now” in first message = red flag. - Sexual comments
Even if the profile looks “sexy”. Respect first.
Online dating safety in Nigeria depends on staying within the platform until trust builds.
For the Ladies: Why Some Messages Feel Safer
Many Nigerian women say they reply more to messages that:
- are polite
- don’t rush
- don’t demand pictures
- don’t ask for phone numbers immediately
A simple:
“No pressure to reply. Just thought I’d say hello properly.”
This one line alone has opened many conversations.
Safety Is Part of the Attraction
This part is important.
A first message that shows you respect safety automatically makes you more attractive.
For example:
“I prefer we chat here for a bit before moving anywhere else. Hope that’s okay.”
This tells the other person:
- you’re patient
- you understand online risks
- you’re not hiding anything
In Nigeria today, that is very attractive.
Real-Life Tip From Dating Coaches in Nigeria
Many Nigerian dating coaches agree on one thing:
People reply more to messages that feel calm and intentional.
Not desperate. Not aggressive. Not too polished.
Just normal.
Even grammar doesn’t have to be perfect. Slight quirks make you sound human. Overly perfect English can sound like a script.
The First Message Is Not a Proposal
Let this enter your head well.
Your first message is not to win love. It’s to start a conversation safely.
Think of it like greeting someone at a wedding or church programme. You won’t shout. You won’t propose. You’ll greet, smile, and talk small.
Online dating is the same.
Final Words: What Nigerians Really Can’t Ignore
Nigerians can ignore beauty.
They can ignore money claims.
They can ignore sweet mouth.
But Nigerians find it hard to ignore respect mixed with familiarity.
So the secret first message Nigerians can’t ignore is one that says:
“I saw you. I respect you. I’m real. Let’s talk safely.”
No drama. No rush. No fear.
And remember, online dating safety is not boring — it’s smart. The right person will appreciate it.
So next time you’re staring at that message box, breathe. Be normal. Be kind. Be Nigerian.
The reply will come.